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  • Shirah Shulman

What happens when you say ‘I’m sorry’

Updated: Feb 6

Sometimes we need to apologise, not necessarily because we were wrong but because the other person feels bad, sad or upset by something we said or did.


When we say sorry we also say without words “I see you”. I see your pain, I see your anger, I understand how you feel and how you feel is valid.


We also say that we apologise for our part in how the other person feels.


We all see the world and experience life through our own set of eyes, with our own belief system, experiences and expectations. No one is right or wrong, everybody exist side by side, with their own reality.


Saying sorry doesn’t mean saying I was wrong and you are right. It means ‘I see you’. This is a way of greeting in the Zulu tribe in Africa, it is what parents do when they look

at their babies, mimicking their smile or painful expression. In constellation work we see and acknowledge those who were forgotten/ignored/been pushed out of the family system. We give them validity and bring healing to the system in this way.


‘I see you’ is a powerful way of making someone feel valid. Think about it next time you feel the need to say ‘I am sorry’.

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© 2019 by Shirah Shulman.