What happens when you say ‘I’m sorry’

Sometimes we need to apologise, not necessarily because we were wrong, but because the other person feels hurt, sad, or upset by something we said or did.

When we say sorry, we are also saying without words, “I see you.” I see your pain. I see your anger. I understand how you feel, and how you feel is valid.

We are also acknowledging our part in how the other person feels.

Each of us sees the world through our own eyes, shaped by our beliefs, experiences, and expectations. No one is completely right or completely wrong. We all exist side by side, each with our own reality.

Saying sorry does not mean “I was wrong and you were right.” It means “I see you.” In the Zulu tradition in Africa, this is a form of greeting. It is also what parents naturally do when they look at their babies, mirroring their smile or their distress. In constellation work, we do something similar when we acknowledge those who were forgotten, ignored, or pushed out of the family system.

By seeing them, we give them validity and allow healing to take place.

“I see you” is a powerful way of helping someone feel recognised and valued. Hold this in mind the next time you feel the need to say “I am sorry.